The Reality Behind the Facebook Facade: No Parent or Household Has It Together All the Time

 

The prevalence of social media platforms like facebook have created issues with perception, as people often showcase their seemingly perfect lives instead of reality.  We are all left feeling like we are the only ones that don’t have it all together. 

Deep down we all know that behind every closed door there are humans that are not perfect.  The reality is that there are piles of laundry that come and go, children who misbehave or need a redirection, parents who are flying by the seat of their pants, and tired moms and dads who desperately need a break sometimes.  

It is so important to feel connected and understand that it is essential to embrace the imperfections and support one another. Life is hard enough without feeling pressure to be perfect all of the time. 

1. The Pressure to Be Perfect:

Life in general is all about perception and expectations. I have realized through many years of business and parenting that if we set up the correct expectations our world does not come crashing down.  

When I get on Tik-Tok and see a beautiful family with the perfect house, and perfect children it can mess with me. I have to be mindful of the fact that they pay a lot of money to have photographers, house cleaners and any other staging to make it seem perfect. It puts pressure on me that perhaps I also need to be perfect, or rather, seem perfect. That is exhausting and impossible!

We need to let our children, and ourselves, know that what we are seeing is an idealized version that is extremely edited.  It can be entertaining but just like the movies or Netflix shows, it is not real.  Mental health and self-esteem are impacted in a very negative way, as everyone is comparing themselves to idealized versions of others. 

2. The Messiness of Parenting:

The parenting journey is filled with highs, lows, challenges, and uncertainties all of the time.  Just when I think I have it figured out, it changes or a curve ball gets thrown my way. 

We started having children when I was 20 and my Husband was 21, and had 3 more by the time I was 30, for a total of 4.  We have struggled financially, lived in my parent-in-laws driveway for a bit, rented a home for a long time, lost jobs, gained jobs, moved to different states, struggled with illnesses and broken bones, all while learning about life and growing up.  

We still do not have it all together but we are night and day from where we came from.  We have consistently loved each other and our children even through it all.  I could argue that because we grew up together and struggled we are closer now than ever. 

It is an absolute certainty that as humans we are not going to be perfect and live in a magazine. It is okay to make mistakes and learn from them, as it’s a natural part of the parenting experience.

3. Behind the Scenes of Household Management:

There is a huge misconception out there that all households are perfectly organized, clean and efficient at all times. My family actually makes a joke that when I know someone is coming over I clean like crazy like no one lives here.  It’s ridiculous but it stresses me out to have someone come over when our home is “lived in” (your lived in, is different than everyone else's lived in).

The reality of managing a household includes chaos, occasional disarray, and the never-ending-to-do lists that often go unseen on social media.  We argue about who’s turn it is to do the dishes, vacuum, and take out the trash on the daily, even with a schedule. We try to maintain a united front as parents and stick our ground because it is important to us that our children know the value of hard work.  We do not have a maid, nanny or cook, so everyone has to pitch in to make it all run.  

When we have discussions about running the house, we try to not let our emotions get the better of us.  Try is the operative word there, we continually improve and grow with every conversation.  

Tips for managing a household include delegating the list of chores that need to be done, age appropriate of course, trying not to over schedule yourself or your children, and making sure there is quality time spent, as that is really the most important thing.  Find balance amidst the inevitable ups and downs, and you will be better than the entertaining posts you are seeing on Facebook, or any of the other social media sites. 

4. The Power of Authenticity and Support:

My fellow parents, I encourage you to embrace authenticity and share your struggles, successes, and everything in between.  It takes a village to raise children and to also have friends as parents going through similar things.  We need to support each other and build a community where we can openly discuss our challenges without fear of judgment. There is a huge benefit of connecting with other parents who are willing to share their real experiences, fostering and sense of solidarity and understanding. 

Please understand that everything is perception, but perception is not always reality.  Dig deep to find the truth and seek out other people who are willing to be real.  Interestingly enough, we all have a different idea of what a perfect life looks like, so understand that you may be living someone else’s perfect life.  Live in the moment and don’t forget to have gratitude everyday for your messy house and beautiful family.  Money comes and goes, jobs come and go, and messes and chaos come and go, but before you know it, it is all over.  Just enjoy every minute, because you can’t get it back!!